Away in the Manger
by WintersPheonix
Summary: Darcy Lewis likes the way she's set up the nativity set. James Barnes has something to say about that. Let the Nativity War begin!


"LEWIS! What in the name of all that is holy and good on this earth is _that?_ " the voice of one James Buchanan Barnes squawks from the common room.

Darcy doesn't even try to hide the confident smirk on her lips as she gulps down a swig of peppermint mocha. Sam shoots her a look that is both impressed and confused from the other side of the kitchen counter. "Girl, what did you do this time?"

"Aw, Sammy boy, why are you always blaming me?" Darcy pouts.

"Uh-huh, because this _isn't_ you, right, Darcy girl?" Sam accentuates his accusation with a raised eyebrow. "He did just call your name." She shrugs. "I mean, Clint did return to the Compound a couple nights ago."

She gasps, scandalized at hearing her artwork being passed off as one of Clint's little pranks. "Of course, it's not him! How could you say something like that?"

"Yep, it was you."

She rolls her eyes but nods. "Okay, it's obvious it was me, but hey, it's a gift! Who else can make a Super Centurion need Life Alert like I do?"

"What did you do this time, honeybunches?" he teases.

"Nothing worth worrying your pretty little mind over, sweet cheeks," she tells him as she grabs her mug and waltzes away. She moseys into the common room and lazily settles into the squishiest chair available. "Hey, old man and old man 2.0, what can I do for my favorite grouchy old geezer and Ranch Dorito?"

Both boys out of time are staring at the strange scene in front of them on the mantle place. Captain Tights-shirts is looking with a highly amused and enthralled gaze while his partner is analyzing it with confused but unimpressed eyes. What they're gawking at is the wooden manger scene that Sam had purchased because they had been carved for a fair wage by women who had been rescued from sex slavery in Thailand. However, the reason they're gawking isn't because the figurines are particularly beautiful, which they really are, but because of the strange placements of each figurine. Two of the sheep are laying on top of Joseph, all cuddled up and looking to Darcy like they're having a great nap. Mary and the shepherd boy are having a deep, intense conversation about the health benefits of grass. Baby Jesus is playing with the donkey, camels, and ox. Meanwhile, three wise men are trying to chat up the three angels, who are steadily ignoring them.

"Lewis, doll, what in the name of Mary, Jesus, and Joseph did you do to the manger scene? Is nothing sacred to you younglings these days? Back in my day, my ma woulda tanned my hide for such an infraction!" the newest resident, ex-brainwashed Russian assassin accuses, arms on his pretty, muscly hips, as his blond buddy watches with his arms crossed over his rippling chest. Both are just barely huffing as the remains of sweat from their morning run dries off.

She slowly takes a sip of her beverage before gracing him with an answer. "Oh, calm down, raccoon boy. I haven't stepped on your tail. I just rearranged them so that they have someone to talk. Conversational groupings, I call it. I mean, come on, the poor shepherd boy looked all lonely with only his sheep to talk to. Now, I'm not saying the sheep don't make great conversation, but I could tell he really wanted to get to know that wise man better. Besides, Jesus gets to play with the animals now while his parents finally get some alone, parent-to-parent time! Also, I call bullshit. I know for a fact that you did shit like this all the time with your little manger scene when you were little, oh, high and mighty. In fact, if my sources are correct, then this is pretty lame compared to the stuff you did." In the corner of her gaze, she can see Steven pale considerably when he realizes that he's just been found out as her ally.

"Is that so? You got a source, you say?"

"Yeppers, Grumpy Cat!" With that, she hops up and saunters away from the duo.

"Traitor," she hears growled behind her, causing her to grin like a Cheshire Cat.

The next day when she walks into the common room, she glances at her little scene and shrugs. Then she does a double take and pauses in her spot. It's been changed from her conversational groupings to something else, and _she didn't do it_.

Instead, the animals are all on one side, arranged in an attack formation or something like it. Across from them, all the humans and angels, except for baby Jesus and the shepherd boy, are arranged similarly. The shepherd boy plays referee, standing authoritatively between the two sides, while Jesus is resting in his little manger as the adoring crowd, unsure of who to vote for. Upon closer inspection, she sees a random, cute mini pinecone at the shepherd boy's feet, acting as the ball in this strange game.

She snorts at the site. _Oh, this is on_ , she cackles as she walks away, already planning her next setup and _where_ , because of course, she is going to win this Nativity War and keeping it in one place is totally not going to be enough.

After grabbing a bite to nibble on as she works, she heads back into the common room, grabs the set of figurines, then marches right out of there. As she wanders down the halls of the Compound, she tosses ideas around in her mind on where to place the nativity set and how to place it. Finally, Darcy settles on sticking it in James' locker. First, though, she has to find Nat since Darcy alone has no idea how to break into his locker.

Once Nat's help has been procured, Darcy swings by the kitchen for a Personal Pop Tart. As soon as her fingers have touched the silvery package, the final design of her plan sets in a place like the last piece of a puzzle, and she grins widely. After popping the pastry into the toaster, she starts humming as she waits for it golden up. Next, nibbles procured, she marches with _intent_ into the guy's locker-room.

Inside, she finds James' locker with ease, door already propped open just the slightest. She sniggers quietly to herself as she arranges the figures to her liking. With a half-eaten (purposely saved for this reason) pop-tart placed strategically placed in a circle around the pastry, facing in as though mock-worshipping the baked good. Then with a barely concealed cackle in the interest of not letting others, aside from the wacko in the vent, know she's there, she shuts and relocks his locker door.

With one last glance around and a wink tossed at the vent overhead and the archer inside it, she waltzes out of the locker-room with a satisfied smile. _She is so gonna win this!_

The next day she finds the set in her bathtub. All of them are staged in a pyramid, the shepherd boy heading it, with only baby Jesus left out of the arrangement. Instead, the little boy and the manger he lays on is set out in front of them about a foot away. Inside the pyramid, some of the figures have fallen down, a small pine cone amid the wreckage. _Bowling, he literally went bowling with baby Jesus_ , she laughs to herself.

Then the group of figures shows up with Jesus reading a Christmas book while all the others gather around in a wide circle atop his counter.

From there, the Nativity War goes on and on for days until it's Christmas Eve, and the nativity set has seemingly disappeared to be replaced by action figures of the team, in addition to random objects that represent those who are not officially an Avenger but part of the team anyways. Even though the scene is organized just like a normal nativity scene that one would expect, it is quite the strange sight. Instead of a baby Jesus lying in a manger, there is a small motherboard with the name F.R.I.D.A.Y. written in loopy, messy handwriting. In the place of Mary and Joseph, there is a mini high-heel ornament that represents Pepper and an Iron Man toy. Hulk, a little black widow spider, and a tiny quinjet, representing Maria, seem to be the wise people of the group. An iPod ornament, Darcy apparently, a tiny star on a stand, obviously Jane, and a Falcon figurine appear to be the acting angels. Hawkeye is the shepherd boy stand-in with a plush red star, definitely James, a Captain America toy, Thor, a Vision, and a Scarlet Witch as the sheep, which doesn't make a whole lot of sense but is quite amusing to see.

"Well played, Lewis, well played," James admits. She laughs.

"I was just about to say the same to you, buddy. This isn't me. I thought this was you," she tells him honestly. They share a look before looking back at the gathering in front of them.

"Yeah, it was neither of you. As entertaining as your War was, it was getting a bit out of hand, so we decided to confiscate the nativity set and replace it with this," a random voice behind them states. Darcy and James turn around as one to face the speaker. Tony and the rest of the gang are standing there like it's some sort of confrontational meetings, which sorta is if Darcy thinks about it a bit.

"Well, it was fun while it lasted," Darcy says with a noncommittal shrug.

"Yeah, I mean, considering I won, having done the last setting and all," James chimes in from her side. She sends him a half-glare from under her eyelashes but then smiles.

"Yeah, no. I'm pretty sure I won this, but don't feel too bad, babe. You were a worthy foe!" She adds a wink for fun.

"Well, dollface," he says as he holds out a hand, palm up, for her to take, "let's go see what else we can get up to!"

She takes his palm with a bright grin, and they march out of there, parting the sea of people before them. "Onwards, my bunny boo!"

He snorts as they enter the elevator and then the doors shut on the confused but highly entertained faces of their buddies. "Now what do ya wanna do, Darce, sweetheart?" he asks, turning to face her.

"I don't know, isn't there a tradition about mistletoe or something that even you old geezers from the 30s knew about?" She raises an eyebrow as she points at the sprig of plant hanging from the ceiling.

He matches her expression with a smirk and wraps an arm around her waist. "You know, my mind is holly as Swiss cheese after all these years, maybe you should remind me?"

"Why don't we try to…rejog your memory a bit, eh? Come here, soldier."

"Yes, ma'am."

"Merry Christmas, James."

"Merry Christmas, Darcy."


End file.
